Welcome to my world. I’ve tried to make things as transparent as possible because it’s what God demands of me. If you were to meet me in the flesh, you’d find me affable and relaxed most of the time. When I get agitated, I rarely turn it outward, but have this tendency to attack myself first. It’s extremely hard for me to apply force to others. I do at times, but it’s not natural for me.
On the other hand, I admit that my upbringing taught me to be murderously angry about a certain range of things. It’s not just my parents, but other people influenced me growing up and the net result includes a lot of tendencies that never see the light of day. However, the internal conflict has been near deadly at times — deadly to myself.
The concept of civility is saving you from having to face things that aren’t your problem. If you are an empty soul who lives for the juicy soap-opera details of human existence, you aren’t civilized. Civility assumes you are better than that, and there is such a thing as TMI (“too much information”). So I’m not ashamed of the facts of my life, but sometimes it’s just not worth the trouble for you to read them. Still, if your question seems genuine and purposeful, or if I sense God can use the moment, I’ll answer some of the most personal questions.
And if some part of it rattles you, too bad; you asked. One of the greatest blessings in my life has been the hand of God relieving me of false guilt and shame. I won’t yield to censure from any human unless it matches what I sense in my heart as the moral character of God. That brutal strain in my soul comes out when I face people who suffer from Western moral mythology.
Now that you have some assessment of how wacko I am, maybe you’ll understand when I ask: Is it just me? It didn’t impinge on my awareness until the past few days, but I began sensing a broad shift in human behavior in my world. For example, there has been a sudden rise in the number and severity of traffic collisions. People taking bigger risks? More robberies and violent crime, not just in the news, but I hear about it from other sources. A rising sense of desperation? There’s also a subtle shift to more of that passive-aggressive defiance people exhibit in small things, breaking carefully selected rules, testing certain limits, etc. I’ve seen this stuff in cycles in the past, but it seems different this time.
I noted previously that I’ve been devoting a lot more time to praying lately. I’ve long been in the habit of talking quietly under my breath to God, but lately I’ve actually made it a habit to take long walks two or three times every day so I could pray out loud without making other people uncomfortable. Lately I’ve sensed a rising tension in the Spirit Realm where it touches my world. Not me personally, but my sense of awareness of the world around me. I’ve never felt safer and more at peace, but it seems awfully stormy around me.
So I will confess to you I’ve had visions lately of clouds of black wings. It reminds me of that weird feeling you get if you stand outside a huge cavern when the bats come out at nightfall. Bats are harmless and amusing to me, but the clouds I see when I close my eyes during those times of prayer are not benign. Visions like that are purely symbolic, of course. But it reminds me more of the gust-front that blows across the plains here some short time ahead of the actual storm clouds. In other words, it’s not something objective, but God working with my awareness so that I’ll be ready to serve.
I was just wondering if anyone else is experiencing anything like it. Could I suggest that some level of Big Crazy is about to begin, at least for some of us? If so, look for things that would be virtually inexplicable on a purely human level. You’ll have a sense of warning, while hopefully experiencing internal peace and assurance that God is protecting you from the worst of it.