A peek inside my head…
None of us is all one person. Total integration is not possible in the flesh, because the flesh is unable to go along peacefully with the better way. True peace means surrendering the flesh, and we foreshadow that by struggling against it, trying to still it’s voice in our heads and making it serve. So a part of me struggles over things which are of no consequence, but which seem important in terms of the flesh. some other part of me has to keep a focus on things which matter on another level.
Regular readers know my routine. I keep pressing ahead for three things:
1. Thinking like an Ancient Hebrew. I call people to embrace the epistemology of the Ancient Near East as fundamental to making some sense of reality.
2. By extension, mysticism in Christian faith. I don’t see how you can be a real follower of Christ without embracing His obviously mystical and otherworldly approach the things.
3. Embracing the Laws of God. Based on the previous two points, we are ready to reach for an understanding of what the Laws of God are trying to say in the broader sense about what constitutes justice. We are all bound in this life under the moral fabric of Creation.
Those three items together constitute a jarring cultural departure into something which is timeless, independent of all human inventions and trends. Not in some harsh legalism and making demands of others, but making high demands on ourselves to recognize the nature of this world’s failures and striving to cling to the Truth. A commitment to Truth for me means a commitment to reflect God’s glory. I don’t have to understand all the details of how everything works; some of it will always reside beyond human ken. I only have to be ready to see how God’s glory shines in events I don’t control, and try to hitch a ride on that thread of miracles.
I’m pretty sure I can’t express how well this works for me. I’ve already discussed how painful it was to get here, including suicidal tendencies. Instead of tormented, I’m now ready to die peacefully. Since that hasn’t happened yet, I am left with the compelling need to pass it on. I don’t project that need onto anyone else, I’m just determined to make the offer. I’m content for no one to join me, but my experience has proven others will be drawn to it.
Choosing the target audience is not in my hands. For now, the Internet is sufficient. I am at peace with this as the forum for making that offer. Something inside me knows beyond all doubt this will change. While I have no idea how or why it will change, that’s not the point. Something not a part of my flesh or intellect demands I prepare for some other means of sharing. The part about making my body ready for tough experiences is pretty easy to understand. The other parts are, for now, more confusing. While it’s obvious I need to have my mind clearly in line with the agenda, and prepared to face all sorts of attacks common to a battle of ideas, there is yet something inside unsettled, disconnected.
Things I’m not too worried about include travel, life support, and all those other questions involved in human planning. It’s not wrong to consider them when it lies in your hand, but none of that is in my hands right now. It’s enough to let it all rest in that unopened package labeled “Big Adventure” and let it manifest according to a greater power. I’m comfortable that will all work out. Even screwing everything up is sure to turn out well in the end, on that other level of consideration.
No, what interests me at this point is the cover story. Will there even be one? So much depends on the ostensible reason for engaging the world differently than I do now. So far, every previous mission has been under the cover of something more mundane. While carrying out some occupation generally considered useful by other humans, I always managed to express my faith simply in how I went about that occupation. People were demanding an explanation because it was not what they were used to seeing. The question is not whether it’s some job I can do. Suffering is a job, if it comes to that. The question is what is the proximate cause for doing anything at all; how will I come into contact with this unknown, unseen audience out there? And if there is no cover mission, I’d need to be ready for that, too.
For once, there is no apparent vehicle, no drive to excellence in some human pursuit. This is no mere human discomfort; I’m willing to walk in my calling in the most direct and open manner. But whatever is ahead will not be restricted to blathering on the Internet. I can’t proceed very far without seeing that target painted on something my brain can recognize and implement the necessary actions to share this treasure. Even when we manage to bridle the flesh, we still have to decide between hitching, saddling, etc.
For those of you given to praying with me: I’m not looking for ideas in the common sense, but a revelation. What’s the mechanism; who and where is the audience?